Flipping Through The Pages

On my way to Melbourne Australia!

2012-01-23T23:23:00.005+08:00

Hellooo blog.

So, as most of my friends who care know, I've been accepted to University of Melbourne. I should be flying to The Land Down Under in mid-February. Probably on the 14th, because the university's registration date is on the 16th.

So far, haven't been spending too much mullah on things apart from shawls and inner shawl.

Been thinking of sending some fabrics to the tailor for new baju raya, but there are many old baju raya already. My sister's ones..but no one have seen me in them, so I'd consider them as
my new baju raya. You see, I'm not that keen on spending a great deal of money on clothing..haven't bought any new tops since, I don't even know how long. I have been wearing my sister's clothes for quite some time now. You can only see me wear my own jeans or top, once in a blue moon. I don't have that many wearable items, you see. Especially now that I've start wearing more clothes to cover my aurah.

Anyways, I've already owned a gigantic luggage bag, which can fit my whole body in it, if I curled up in a foetus position lah. Hoho. Mama bought this bag long time ago, when we went to Dub

ai, few years back, visiting my Emirates pilot uncle. (nak jugak ke bagitau Emirates)

What else..hmm. Oh! I've secured myself a home sweet home in Melbourne, thanks to this lovely Kakak senior of mine, whom I've never met before. True sisters in Islam, helping each other, eh? :D Alhamdulillah

Presenting my new future home!

Mine is on the leftmost. That cute little house with cute metal fence. That man is probably my future neighbour! (or probably just a random guy walking around in Melbourne. Hehe)

It's only about 5 minutes of walking to University of Melbourne, but about 15 minutes walking to the architecture building on Masson Road. Dahlah kat KBU dulu pun selalu jalan dari rumah BU 20 minit. Oh well, I guess it's a sign for me to exercise more, eh?

The house is pretty small and old, I mean, the kitchen does not have built-in stoves and oven with granite counter tops. But judging by the pictures uploaded by my future housemate; whom is a senior continuing her honor degree in Biotech, the house is livable for students. Especially international students on a tight budget. As long as it's walking distance from the university, we saved quite a fortune that would've been spent on trams.

My rent per month would be around $500 inclusive of utilities, so that would leave me about $700 for other nonsense. Hehe pakcik kayo! But of course, as Feqs said before, that amount is so non-idealistic. The correct and sensible leftover would be about $400 every month. Haha masih lagi pakcik kayoo!

Heard rumors about new iPhone 5 coming out this year, so I'd prolly stick with my 4-years old Nokia N81 (yang dah kena selotape selotape..) for the next half a year kot. I'd kill myself if I bought the current iPhone 4S, then the next day iPhone 5 come out.

What else? Currently waiting for eCoE (electronic Confirmation of Enrolment) from University of Melbourne, because without it I can't lodge my visa, and thus proceed with my medical check-up. Not really in a stress ball right now..pretty relaxed I must say. I'm still focusing on garnering up the strength to attend another 8 hours of work as a casual tele-surveyor for Roy Morgan Research. Which means, another RM80 be partying in my bank, bitches! (totally unnecessary)

Tu je lah for now!

ps:Hi Asma!

ALHAMDULILLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2011-12-28T22:05:00.002+08:00

The official WACE website will announce the result tomorrow at 8.00AM, but we checked out result on TISC website, and my ATAR scaled score is 91.2!

Prior to the external exam, my predicted score was 87.7 :)

Unfortunately, it’s not enough for the Sydney universities (I was sooooo close to the cut-off point of University of Sydney -91.95), but no hard feelings, I didn’t want to go to Sydney anyway.

&& additional unfortunately, RMIT rejected my design proposal! :’(

I will do another one as my final effort to enter RMIT.

In the meantime, Ya Allah, please send me to University of Melbourne, to pursue Bachelors of Environment, Architecture major! Amin!

PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEE!

Alhamdulillah again.

ps: I didn't feel any extreme nervousness nak dapat result ni, and I still feel very weirdly calm now.

pss: I'm going to work in Roy Morgan Research, telesurveying NZ people! :) Gotta get me some additional mullah, yo.

My heart,

2011-12-24T02:10:00.000+08:00

just broke.

I love Mama only.

I would love it

2011-12-21T22:13:00.006+08:00

It'd be nice to receive a beautiful flower bouquet; I mean, beyond nice. Flowery feeling, butterflies~

Or a single stalk of flower would do.

*teary-eyed

BTN Camp Report

2011-12-05T17:34:00.002+08:00

So, last 28th Dec till the 2nd Dec, the JPA scholars had to attend a Birotatanegara Camp. This BTN camp is a compulsory camp for all future overseas undergraduates.

Basically it's a camp to enhance our understanding in the 1Malaysia concept, but mostly it's about supporting the government's role in upholding the Federal Constitution, yada yada.

I have to say, out of all the people who gave their speeches, the one that had most impact was the one given by a former MARA scholar who had read Electrical Engineering in Lamborough, UK.

He did his Masters there and obtained 3.5, which I thought was quite remarkable, since he told us that he was the President of Malaysian society there and was a member for his university volleyball team. I mean, juggling all that and still able to score excellently, well, I guess he deserves to boast around; which he did.

Many said he was a bit full of himself, but I guess it's just to be humorous and attract our attention.

He mentioned as well that upon graduation, he was offered 5 jobs from Axiata, Celcom, etc. And now he's working with Axiata, with big salary. Pretty awesome.

His confidence is admirable too.

Okay, enough of him.

Throughout the group activity in the camp, those fascilitators were already somewhat had the same fixated mind, and anything we say will be rebut in a somewhat similar manner. Pretty pointless to start any argument, really.

The participants of the camp comprised of KTT and KBU people. We were the minority there.

And there's this one time in Kulliyah Maghrib, we were shown a video about Ambon Tragedy, and it was horrible. Muslim children, women, men were massacred by Christian residents. :'( It was such an unforgettable sight. But the thing that made me bawl my eyes out is when the narrator mentioned about protecting our aqidah, and be united. :'((

Another time that made me cry was when we were taught how to prepare for a burial; how to kafan the dead. It reminded me of my late Wan; my grandmother. :'(( May she be placed among the pious, insyaAllah.

Overall, the camp did succeed in instilling a sense of pride and love towards Malaysia, and for a brief period, it made me fully support the government ruling party as well. But now, not anymore for the latter part. I really don't mind anyone leading the country, as long as they uphold the true values of Islam, and themselves are Muslims.

Dear self,

2011-12-05T17:26:00.002+08:00

Thank you for your interest in studying at RMIT University. I regret to inform you that your application for a place has not been successful.

Your Design Idea Exercise does not meet the selection criteria for entry to this program.

You may now go jump off any suitable building to declare your failure.

Thank you.

ps: I'll get over it.

I'm done!

2011-11-09T18:14:00.002+08:00

I'm officially done with WACE Year 12 Examination! No more TEE/WACE thingamajic until 29th December, when the results come out! But worry bout that later, shall we!

Need a lot of sorting out to doooo. So many papers used for revisionssss. Poor Mother Earth. Sorry Mother Earth!

Second chance exists!

2011-10-29T19:04:00.000+08:00

This 31st is my first paper for WACE examination! (or AUSMAT)

All the best, ME! :D

One less Jobs in the world,

2011-10-06T21:45:00.002+08:00

Today Steve Jobs, the father of Apple died.

Thank you Steve for your utmost dedication and innovations.

I dread

2011-10-03T01:10:00.002+08:00

the day when I board that flight to The Land Down Under (InshaAllah)

I am really scared if no one will come and send me off (excluding my family).

Because that will just prove everything I've been denying of - that I don't have any close friends.

The only one I'm counting and expecting for is Afiq alone.

I'm sorry for feeling this way.

I guess I deserve it.

I was never good at making new friends, or keeping them.

Everyone's already has somebody else, I always feel like an intruder, seating at different table everyday at recess.

I just hope I won't cut myself again in the near future.

I want,

2011-09-25T10:38:00.009+08:00

a flower too.. :'(

:|

2011-09-12T12:14:00.003+08:00

I think my body is allergic to examinations. Written examinations.

Back then when it was SPM, I caught fever, but not on the actual day though, when it was near SPM.

Then now, my gum is swollen or something, because of this gigi bongsu nak tumbuh.

I've been eating porridge for 3 days already. Ahh, how I appreciate solid, spicy, food even more now.

But Mama's bubur lambuk is delicious anyway, so I don't really mind.

The thing that bothers me is that I can only open my mouth to a certain extent till it hurts. Then, when I wanna gulp on something, my throat hurts too. And the temple of my head on one side.

Coz they're all connected you see, the gum, jaw, throat, head.

Aiyaiyai.

A "get well soon" wish and prayer would be nice.

RM800 to and fro!

2011-09-08T22:33:00.002+08:00

Mama just told me that Pakchu can get us Emirates flight discounts if I get Melbourne or Queensland. But I didn't apply to any uni in Queensland, so Melbourne it is!

Mama can fly to Melbourne (to see me!) for only RM800! But my ticket will be a wee bit more expensive, because I'm only a niece.

Nak pi nak pi nak pi Melbourne.

Nak nak nak nak

Technically, I don't

2011-08-27T23:33:00.002+08:00

have any offer letters from any of the universities I applied to.

The one from RMIT was only a notification of my submission being accepted.

Shit.

I'm not even sure whether I should be worried or not.

I'm having some kind of panic sweats here.

In case you didn't know,

2011-08-22T06:38:00.006+08:00

I'm quiet most of the time. When I do talk, I blabber a lot. Like a child.

I have a dogmatic personality (it means I ALWAYS think I'm right; unconsciously mostly).

When I do talk, the things I say can be downright direct (and sarcastic). I tend to not do that beat around-the-bush thing, therefore I shut my mouth most of the time, to avoid confrontations.

I don't handle confrontation well. I'll end up bawling my eyes off to sleep. And there's a lucky chance I might hurt myself while doing it.

Yes, I hurt myself. Self-abuse, as other might say. It's not something to be proud of, but it's the truth. Tau, berdosa, tapi, entah.

I can be very judgmental. Unfortunately.

I know I avoid being attached to people because other people are already attached to some other people. I don't seem to fit anywhere. I don't have any best friends. Just, a group of friends that once sit together most of the time in school. Beyond school, it's a once in a blue moon thing. I stop expecting for people to invite me anywhere, and if they do, I'll take what I can get.

I'm quite arrogant, I wait for others to call me because, well, if they don't want me, then I would not want to bother anyone, wouldn't I? I'm not that type of person to be all jovial and pretend to not notice the distance that grew us all apart. Okay, just ME and them apart.

I mean when I do the calling, it will always end up with polite (almost scripted) 'close' friend talk, and promising future invitations, and that's that. I guess the future for me is an unforeseeable one. And when you found out that friend end up going out with a group of friends that you once studied together on a weekly basis, after all that promising future invitations; is just a heartbreaking situation. So, why should I bother calling again?

The number of people that can get along with me well and keep in touch with me on a regular basis, is COUNTABLE. Heck, it's probably only one or two; I doubt it's two.. Family excluded.

I'm surprised those countable people are still able to put up with my attitude. Especially my boyfriend. But he never works (as in school assignment and such) with me, so he never really know how to see me from outside my point of view, in certain matters, I guess.

That's okay, because some things are better left unknown.

At least I know who I am. Maybe there's more. A lot more, I'll add in later.

I don't think I'm intelligent enough.

2011-08-21T16:19:00.000+08:00

What should I do?

My new idol,

2011-08-20T23:02:00.003+08:00

I usually post inspirational, motivational, full of optimism entries on anything architecture-related in my Tumblr blog, and I made it public, by synchronizing it to my FB account (in hope of spreading some good vibes to those whom have the same interest as I do), but seeing how I dislike sharing things that I discovered and love so I'll post it here :)

(Even though this blog is still public, but the probability of people reading this would be much MUCH smaller, so takpelah :) )

So I was checking around PAM website and I crossed this female architect's name Ar Eleena Jamil, so I Google-d her, and she's my new idol now.

I would like to work with her one day, prior to setting my own firm, InsyaAllah, with God's willing :)

ps: Ar Eleena Jamil's pretty too, I mean, she doesn't even have the look of an exhausted-architect.

pss: yesterday was our last Buka Puasa event in KBU, sure the setting isn't as pretty as last year (we had candles on the table and some flowers, sorry, I'm biased), but we sure are satisfied with the camwhoring session!

This is a will

2011-08-18T21:00:00.002+08:00

If I die young, I would like every person who has uploaded photos of me with my hair uncovered to take them all down.

Thank you.

I shall not regret

2011-08-18T18:31:00.003+08:00

the fact that recently, I'm doing quite good in my quiz/test (Econs short test full score, Maths 1 mark gone, the recent Maths test only 3 marks gone, Physics almost 70) compared to the first semester.

the fact that, if I did what I'm doing now in the first semester, my cumulative marks could've been MUCH better.

the fact that, I disappoint my self by not polishing my truest potential right from the beginning.

It's official,

2011-08-04T03:46:00.003+08:00

I'm currently obsessed with Julian Smith. I've been listening & watching his hilarious and ultimately catchy music videos the whole day today (I skipped college today to revise Maths, while listening to Julian non-stop). I've probably wasted like almost half a gigabyte of my Yes data quota today.

I'm seriously hooked on him up to the point I want to know if he's single (pointless thing to do, but yet, I did it). And from his 'About Me' section in his website, he's MARRIED! And he even give out the link of his wife's blog. Pretty! And from spending (more like wasting) time reading her blog, I feel like I'm falling in deeper. Haha! Gila. Julian is like the dream guy. Handsome, funny, creative, romantic, hardworking family man. Damn.

Plus, his bod is hot. Drools. Okay. It's 3:53 am. Get some sleep, me!

JulianSmith.tv

2011-08-01T01:50:00.002+08:00

Another Youtuber star with uber genius creative mind. His videos are just, genius.

& this song is officially stuck in my head.

Oh, and tmrw's the start of Ramadhan! Happy Ramadhan everyone! :)

Yuna

2011-07-11T16:36:00.002+08:00

is the only artist whose original albums I would buy.

My sources of entertainment (minus persons)

2011-07-10T03:49:00.007+08:00

1. How I Met Your Mother (this is literally my bedtime story, I play it on the laptop, watch a bit and..sleep. I think I've watched the whole Season 1 til 6 for 3 times already. It's just awesome :D)
2. The Shaytards (personally I think he's the best youtube vlogger on the net! sometimes I wish he's my dad)
3. Zits (the comic, not the pimple)

ps: Ainil is flying to Melbourne next week! She's enrolling in Uni of Melbourne, doing accounting! Yeaaay! Okay now I feel like changing my university preference list. I hope I'll be seeing her a lot next year!
pss: I wanna get a nose stud pierce (or whatever they call it). But it's not permissible. :( I guess I'll just have to settle with the sticker ones.

We've just been called "fucking bastards"

2011-07-05T00:32:00.006+08:00

So, as usual, when there's a birthday, we celebrate.

And as usual, we were loud, but today was the limit.

One of our neighbours, two houses away, was rudely awaken by our noises, and yeah, we were blasted with "fucking bastards", "I'll beat you one by one", and etc.

We were dumbfounded and shocked though.

But one thing that was beyond unbelievable was that he called us "animals". Thank you very much.

And to puki lancau our parents, that's just the lowest of the low.

Sorry DATO'. May your Datukship be with you until you die, thank you.

To juniors, don't celebrate birthdays at night. Especially, after midnight.

ps: but then again, it was after midnight. Maybe we'll go apologize later masa raya.

I've been meaning to write,

2011-07-03T23:25:00.003+08:00

I even have this title floating in my mind for several weeks, but I just couldn't spare some good time working on it. There'll always be these whispers telling me to flip open those other books. The books which are suppose to receive the most of my attention.

Darn it.

If only procrastination isn't my forte.

ps: the title that's floating up there is "Language Divides Us All"

my preference universities

2011-06-28T17:07:00.000+08:00

1. Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology (RMIT)
2. University of New South Wales (UNSW)
3. University of Sydney
4. University of Melbourne
5. Univesity of Adelaide

"I'll see you at the airport" - JPA officer

2011-06-22T01:43:00.004+08:00

So, throughout our enrollment in KBU as JPA scholars, we've been taught by 3 different lecturers for Chemistry, 2 resigned last year alone, and the current lecturer is leaving, together with our 2 other core subject lecturers, Physics and English.

Now, the reasons for them leaving might be due to better opportunities elsewhere, but why would they even find the opportunities in the first place? And for them experienced and dedicated lecturers to leave us in our final 4 months here, made us wonder, there must be something wrong somewhere. Sure, it's not in our place to meddle in the management business, but when it's affecting our confidence in the quality of the education we're receiving, we just had to do something about it.

And judging by the past substitute lecturer for Maths (who can't even bother to have a 5 minute ice-breaking session on the first day, 2 questions per hour, can't even use the graphical calculator, kept mentioning about A-level in front of AUSMAT students, doubtfully qualified to teach AUSMAT Maths) , it's really difficult to trust KBU again, especially at this critical time.

I mean, we worked hard last time, only to be placed in a college where we're not guided properly to perform our truest potential.

Just because we're scholars, it doesn't mean the results we achieved were purely our efforts. The teachers played a big part as well. They're the catalyst of our success, really.

So, out of dissatisfaction regarding this matter, we came up with letters and sent them to JPA.

Of course, this isn't something out of the blue thing, some time in the middle of the year, there was a meeting held between the Senior Management and the AUSMAT class representatives (which comprised of JPA scholars), and really, the objective of the meeting wasn't accomplished at all, when every feedback or issues brought up was refuted in a way that put us to blame. I mean, we brought up this issue about students smoking in cafeteria; where it's supposed to be a non-smoking area, and what we got was "You as students, have the responsibility as well to ask them to stop smoking", "What if they don't?", "Then, you just walk away la". That alone was just unbelievable. Hello? The foreigners are like African/Nigerian/Iranian guys who are twice our size! I mean, they can smoke all they want, but not openly at a place that we consume our nutritious meals.

Frankly speaking, I would be okay if they just said something like, "Okay, we'll look into this matter". That was just one of the many matters, regardless how petty it was, reflects the lack of attention they have for the students' welfare.

So, JPA came today and had a dialogue session with all of us, and we mentioned the things, along with other petty things (which I wish some of us hadn't, for fear of overpowering the main concern of the lecturers leaving). I just hope they get the big picture.

AUSMAT/Year 12 isn't something we can depend just on the final exam, the marks are accumulated even from the first day. It will take time for the new lecturers to adapt to the unique way of AUSMAT's assessment system, and it will take time for us to adapt to their new teaching methodology. The consistent inconsistency is just, unacceptable.

Our biggest concern was regarding our education quality, really. In the end, all of us scholars are representing JPA and the country's name. It's really unfortunate that we're experiencing this bad college experience.

At the end of our dialogue session with JPA, they told us; reminded us that our duty now is to study, and it's their job to assure that we receive a sound education.

Of course, we didn't expect any solutions right at that moment, because it isn't something that can be solved with a stroke of a signature, or something like that. We just hope that, by voicing out our perplexed situation, they'll re-consider sending future scholars here.

ps: I'm really grateful beyond words, especially to Tzen, Ez, Fern, and others whom had voiced out loud our problems (including problems that don't really affect them as much)
pss: & throughout this too, I can see that some people just couldn't care less about others, as long as their own "pot of rice" are not affected. Typical Malaysians. Pak Turut(s).

2 years and counting ♥

2011-06-14T19:59:00.000+08:00

It can't be fun all the time

2011-06-10T11:03:00.002+08:00

There had been some phases in my life that I'm happy and proud of, but for the past year, it was a bad experience. Hopefully the next half would be a great one.

Reality check,

2011-05-30T17:09:00.002+08:00

so, in order to get myself a Macbook Pro 17", and a Nikon D7000, it would cost me about
RM10,000.

Right..

2011-05-28T07:10:00.001+08:00

CAN I START AGAIN?
no I can't.

SOBS!

It's annoying,

2011-05-21T22:58:00.002+08:00

when people put songs on their blogs. Especially, when it's a full blast kind of song.
I mean, songs would just distract people from reading your blog content innit?

Keep it peaceful, dawg.

Should I,

2011-05-20T23:59:00.002+08:00

thank people who follow my blog? I'm not sure..because my main objective for having this blog was not for people to read, in the first place, really. I mean, the probability of my blog content to be remotely relevant to other people would be like, 0.02%.

Even so, I guess, for ethical purposes..

Thank you, anonymous readers/friends. :)

Out of curiosity,

2011-05-20T01:08:00.003+08:00

I googled about bipolar disorder; fearful I might be potential to have it.

Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder is characterised by extreme mood swings. The mood swings can range from extreme happiness (mania) to extreme sadness (depression). Episodes of mania and depression can often last for several weeks or more.

Depression

During a period of depression (low phase) your symptoms may include:

feeling sad and hopeless
lacking in energy
difficulty concentrating and remembering things
a loss of interest in everyday activities
feelings of emptiness or worthlessness
feelings of guilt and despair
feeling pessimistic about everything
self-doubt
being delusional, having hallucinations and disturbed or illogical thinking
lack of appetite
difficulty sleeping
waking up early
suicidal thoughts

Mania

The manic (high) phase of bipolar disorder usually follows two to four episodes of depression and may include:

feeling very happy, elated or euphoric (overjoyed)
talking very quickly
feeling full of energy
feeling full of self-importance
feeling full of great new ideas and having important plans
being easily distracted
being easily irritated or agitated
being delusional, having hallucinations and disturbed or illogical thinking
not feeling like sleeping
not eating
doing pleasurable things that often have disastrous consequences, such as spending large sums of money on expensive and sometimes unaffordable items.

Rapid cycling

If you have bipolar disorder, you may have episodes of depression more regularly than you have episodes of mania (or vice versa).

Episodes of depression and mania are sometimes punctuated by periods or ‘normal’ mood. However, some people with bipolar disorder can swing from a high to low phase quickly without having a ‘normal’ period in between. This is known as rapid cycling.
Bipolar disorder is a condition of extremes

A person with bipolar disorder may be totally unaware of being in the manic phase of the condition. After the episode is over, they may be shocked at their behaviour. However, at the time, they may think that others are being negative or unhelpful.

Some people with bipolar disorder experience more frequent and severe episodes than others. Due to the extreme nature of the condition continuing in a job may be difficult and relationships may become strained. There is also an increased risk of suicide.

During episodes of mania and depression, someone with bipolar disorder may experience strange sensations, such as seeing, hearing or smelling things that are not there (hallucinations). They may also believe things that seem irrational to other people (delusions). These types of symptoms are known as psychosis or a psychotic episode.

At this point of my life, I know that I do have depression (and sometimes I kind of do show the symptoms of the manic phase - which I just take as the characteristics of moi). I don't know, I don't really think of it as some sort of a disorder, rather I take it as a definition of myself - which might sound bizarre to some of you, but normal to me, really. It's my own way of self-acceptance.

I don't believe in being happy all the time; trying to be happy all the time makes more sense. & when it is achieved, I'll appreciate it more.

Somehow, dissociating myself from everyone else seems like a valid way to overcome depression (and affecting others from my sarcasms; the by-product of depression - I suppose). Probably not in the long-run, because people are everywhere. Unless I'm in my own grave, but I'm not ready yet to face my Creator, and my judgement. Sobs. Astaghfirullahal'azim.

One of my external motivations,

2011-05-19T12:29:00.012+08:00

"i have a certain admiration for those who writes with perfect grammar, who writes so poignantly, who expresses themselves so well through words and naturally have that flair for writing" - I do too.

A KBU senior of mine, whom I've never met before.

She's Atiqah Muhamad, currently in UNSW, reading Architecture.

Ever since I stumbled upon her blog, I just had this admiration towards her.

I don't know. She's just cool.

& she got ATAR 9095, dope.

I've spent some good wholesome few hours flipping through her blog pages, and somehow, she and I, are like, similar, minus my insecurities issues and whatnot. We both achieved 11A's (A1's for her, mixed A's for me), and we both had this uncertainties of what course to pursue at one point. (yea, like other hundred thousands of people who took SPM had not *roll eyes*) Hahaha :D And we're both Aquarius-ians(?)! No wonder. Not that I believe in that zodiac stuffs (apart from my eyes having this auto-reflex thing of reading the zodiac segment on the bottom of the crossword puzzles in The Star newspapers)

Oh gosh, if you're reading this Atiqah, don't freak out. You just inspire me. Thanks for being you!

ps: I wonder if anyone out there actually reads my older posts.. Well, if you do, I apologize for bringing this bad aura. I can be overtly dramatic at times, well, most of the time. It's like, a forte of mine. One that I'm not proud of. (Man, I have a long list of things I'm not proud of..Sobs). But I won't stay that way forever..hopefully.

Procastinate is my middle name,

2011-05-18T23:39:00.003+08:00

which I'm not proud of!

I'm currently working on my Physics Investigation powerpoint presentation, but, at a really, really slow rate.

I've deactivated my social networking sites accounts for a few days now, well, apart from this site and tumblr (because I regard them as a different category than fb and twitter).

Unfortunately, I still can't keep my priority straight though. There are just too many distractions on this limitless world of web wonderment! I'm currently hooked on How I Met Your Mother series, I've managed to download the whole of season 1, 2, and 6! And while the other episodes are still downloading, I keep re-watching the ones which I've already watched.

Then, I've caught(I used this word because it's bad for me) this new hobby of watching youtube videos of Glee's casts interviews, behind-the-scenes, and keeping myself busy with reading their twitter and tumblr pages..

Nevertheless, on the bright side(!), I've started on the Physics presentation, which will be finished by Friday! Then, I'll rehearse and do some amendments while at it..yea..hopefully.

Uncertainties.

2011-05-10T21:18:00.002+08:00

Some time around this time last year, I was at a conflict with myself. I guess my maturity progress wasn't at its right path because, well, being the last child in the family makes you, dependent and manja. Yes, I admit. My mom put a tad bit more attention to me during my schooling years than any of my 3 adult siblings. So, the thought of having a job, I mean the responsibility to choose the right career path was not exactly my utmost priority. But I know that, ever since the earlier part of my high school years, I've always wanted to further my studies overseas. There was always that stigma of studying in local institutions, you know. But, I didn't put too much hope in it, because I've always thought that those in boarding school would get higher chances of securing overseas scholarships, and I wasn't in a boarding school. And the fact that I wasn't scoring the perfect string of A's during pre-SPM didn't help much either.

Nevertheless, in the midst of SPM, I did put a lot of thinking into what I will become when I'm an adult. Ever since my team won the KWN Video competition back in 2007, I planted this seed of dream to make movies like the late Yasmin Ahmad, and I've kept that dream for quite some time, not until I learnt that there were already too many people in advertising/journalism field that only a small number of them achieved to a certain distinguished level, and I just wasn't sure whether I have what it takes to compete with that thousand others.

I still remember, a day before SPM started, I had this brief conversation with about 3 of my classmates. I was asking for their opinion, "I patut buat advertising ke architecture?". And I vividly remember, one of them said, "Semua orang boleh buat advertising/mass comm, tapi architecture kena belajar lama, and susah tapi lagi kaya". Upon hearing that, I was like, "Okay, architecture it is".

You see, I dislike being normal and among the millions, I like challenges, but unfortunately I whine a lot as well. I hate that latter part of me. But I know, I am the kind of person where I will finish what I've started, never returning back to change what I've chosen. I'm that person with plethora of ideas to begin on something, but takes a century to get it done, without external motivation.

So, SPM was done, and results were out, decision needed to be made. I was still having this hesitation of choosing something that pay well, or in my best interest. So I applied for accounting courses on these GLCs and Bank Negara's scholarship applications, after I did some brief research, and I applied for architecture JPA's scholarship.

Unfortunately, I was rejected by every scholarship I applied for (after I went to their interviews and such). It was a devastating moment I must say. You know, that feeling of not being good enough to study in a foreign land. Sobs :'(

Yet, I didn't give up. I still wrote that pathetic appeal letter to JPA, and still enrolled in UM's PASUM. I adapted to the surrounding, the people, the way of learning, then about less than a month later, my appeal was accepted. Yeay?

Yeap, that's a question mark. I did feel that way.

In the end, I hesitantly accepted the "second-thought"s offer.

& I wish I hadn't.

& I wish I hadn't feel that I wish I hadn't. You get me?

The first few weeks was terrible, I kept crying everyday wishing I was still in UM. I know, manja. I was outside of my comfort zone, and I failed to accept the differences of the people there. But, tak kenal maka tak cinta.

And if I hadn't gone to KBU, I would not be a hijabi now, and I would not be the better myself today (or so they say). Truthfully speaking, my ego was crushed so hard that there's only an ant-size of confidence left in me. I was slapped so hard in the face by words that, everything I did was so low-standard.

Now, I don't even dare to put on any high hopes for a long-term dream. I can only afford to dream small.

I guess, now I just have to work on it step by step.

..with some moral support I have from my small group of confidants: my boyfriend, Afiq, my counselor, Mr Al and the college people whom I regard as close friends, Muhammad and Syaq.

ps: Mama pun la. But not as much.

Fear,

2011-05-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

what if when I am finally there, I actually don't possess the talent for it?
& everything I do turns out to be horrible and not up to their par?

then how?
how?

:(

2011-05-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

"it's in the doing that the idea comes".
-Edmund Bacon

RMIT,

2011-05-08T15:43:00.002+08:00

is where I'll be at next year.

Lu tunggu ja.

♥

2011-05-02T02:48:00.001+08:00

2011-05-01T02:57:00.002+08:00

YOU KNOW WHAT. ENOUGH OF THIS DEMOTIVATION SHIT.
YOU WILL STUDY STUDY STUDY, CRAM CRAM CRAM UP YOUR TINY LITTLE BRAIN AND JUST KEEP DOING THAT UNTIL YOU CRY BLOOD.

YOU WILL DO YOUR BEST UNTIL YOU ARE ABLE TO SAY "GOOGLE MY NAME UP" LIKE THE WORLD IS YOURS.

of course, with a lot of do'a also.
and solat sunat.

WOOOOHOOOOOO NO SLEEP TONIIIGGGGHHHTTTT

Slightly Beyond Average

2011-04-29T13:31:00.003+08:00

It's April 29th today. Almost 5 months past this so-called last year of my teenage life before heading (hopefully) to Australia next February.

Everything did not seem to follow the path I want. The path I need. Everything seems to fall out through even. Everyday I dragged myself out of bed, sitting by the edge of it, contemplating on my routinely scheduled life.

Quizzes, assignments, exams unsatisfactorily finished. Results produced, averagely as anticipated.

Approximately 6 months to go.

And being confirmed to be an average-scorer today seemed to spark a fire of spirit within me.

I just hope it lasts.

ps: maybe I need a new blog. this one is full of afterthoughts that can put out the fire.

The Emperor's Club

2011-04-09T00:28:00.002+08:00

Instead of studying economics, Mr Wong played this movie The Emperor's Club. And this is the most memorable quote from it,

"Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but STUPID lasts forever."

Wahey! It's Almost May! Perhentian Trippin'

2011-04-08T19:00:00.009+08:00

The rarity of my blogging activity is..well. I don't really know what to say. Anyway, I REALLY have to blog more, but yeah, we just gotten our internet back at the student house. Better connection supposedly, but my laptop is being a total nuisance, it refuses to get itself connected to the world wide web! How come you're so anti-social ey laptop! Sigh, there's something wrong with the internal device, I guess. But then, here I am at home, happily surfing the net, unlike at the student house.

Maybe it's supposed to be that way, maybe it's a way of forcing me to become more studious.

Sometime ago, our EALD lecturer, Mr Derick suggested us to blog as a third person. So..here I go, oh wait, here SHE goes!

Dian's currently feeling okay with what she's accomplished; she's been told by certain people that she has transformed compared to the early days in this new phase she's embarked upon. Good changes, apparently. Those accolades somehow embedded some kind of spirit; motivating her from within.

Attitude determines altitude; is what she's been chanting to herself over and over again everytime she's down in the doldrums. Even so, Dian admits that she's terrible at handling emotions, particularly when it comes to her self-esteem. She knows that she can no longer hold on to the past; even if those times were marvellous; they were all behind her now. Sure, she can flip open the albums, reminiscing over a sweet cup of hot coffee, but that's as far as she can get. Now, she needs to suit up and fight the battle of her future.

You know what, I think I'll stop there. It's getting weird and dramatic.

Anyhoo! I've sold my first DSLR, so when we went to Perhentian Island last 25th March, I just felt..so incomplete. To not be able to snap away precious moments from my own viewfinder was just..sad. But good at the same time! Because people won't be asking for my help to take photos anymore, now even I(emphasize this letter please) can be in the pictures! Muahahaha! xD

But I still do love taking photos.

Now..PERHENTIAN ISLAND! It was LEGEN--wait for it--DA! (because I'm Malay like that, so tukar jadi Bahasa kejap k)

The beach was as blueeeee as the sky! I did snorkeling for the first time! Given that I can't swim, I did a good job in the sea! :D I got to touch sea coral! I got to swim with the fishies! There were LOAAAAADS OF FISHIES! CUTE FISHIIESSSS! :D

Oh, not forgetting the bonds that were built during that 3 days. The German-bounds celebrated Bolie's birthday on that Friday night. But, it was a shame that some of the German boys brought laptops - to play Dota. When I first found out, I was like, seriously, gobsmacked. I mean, bringing laptops on holiday beat the whole purpose of having that camp. In the end, I dare to say, I still didn't know some of their names (German-bounds).

Anyway, I spent quite some time chatting a lot with Muhammad, it was nice, getting to know him and stuff. There was also this time when, after dinner, somehow we gathered around the dinner table and shared jokes and 'teka-teki's. Stupid ones of course. Not forgetting lame. Like tahap maksima punya lame. Sometimes, the things we said weren't even funny, but the laughing was contagious. My guts were nearly busted for laughing too hard. :'D Haziq especially, the clown of the night. Ada je benda dia nak cakap.

What else ey? Hmm, there are some things I wish I could do it all over differently, I wish I'd spend more time on the beach, I regretted sleeping right after we got to our room. Sigh.

I wish I had gone out on the first night, chatting with some other people besides my room mates. Not that I'm complaining about my room mates, it's just that we're room mates, we see each other every day. So yeah..

The jungle trekking time was by far, the longest one I've ever been to. We practically climbed up the forest like climbing up a waterfall. But that time where we saw the beach after being in the jungle for like an hour, was amazing. After washing ourselves down in the beach, we continued, but then it rained cats and dogs. We chilled a bit under this old shack, and then after a while, we continued again. Oh, Yee Yin injured her head, when all of us used the non-bridge path, she decided to duck and walk under the bridge, then I guess she made a misconception of her being really small than she really was, *THUMP* her head hit the underneath part of the bridge..and then her head bled. Ouch.

And then..there was the AMAZING DEATH EXPLORACE! The one where I was a committee and planned the first station's tasks. With Tam! It was fun preparing all the stuffs and whatnots, but again I wish I was the one joining the race. Oh well.

Since I didn't have any photos from my part, so I'm going to steal some photos from Facebook and upload them here so that the future me could flip through and cry-cry a bit laa kan. :D

Later lah. Malas

Untitled..yet

2011-02-13T00:44:00.003+08:00

Few days ago, Malaysians were astounded by the headlines of 17-year old teenager, Sally Lee Qian Chun who ended her own life by jumping from the second-floor of her school.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/2/8/nation/20110208175005&sec=nation&sms_ss=twitter&at_xt=4d5256ce48a23544,0

She was said to post statuses and comments on her Facebook page reiterating her desire to kill herself. Her shocking remarks were apparently due to her failed relationship.

What was so disturbing to me was the fact that instead of consoling the despaired soul, her peers mocked and dared her to go along with her plan.

This may be an overgeneralization, but this might reflect on the ignorance of the society we’re living in. I’m afraid that we have become too selfish to bother about someone who is not from the same flesh and blood.

But then again, according to Lee’s family, she seemed cheerful and bright on Chinese New Year’s day.

This impenetration of feeling is more dangerous I must say.

“Teenagers experience strong feelings of stress, confusion, self-doubt, pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, and other fears while growing up. For some teenagers, divorce, the formation of a new family with step-parents and step-siblings, or moving to a new community can be very unsettling and can intensify self-doubts. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems and stress.”

http://www.psychiatry-malaysia.org/article.php?aid=802

I, myself, admit that I’ve been through the phase where my emotions got the best of me. It happened when I was 12-15 years old. Fortunately, I never reached to the point of suicide. What I did was “cutting”. It is a form of self-harm whereby it is done to “feel” better, to distract oneself from the feeling of sadness, worthlessness or anything equivalent.

Back then, none of my family members knew (up until now), but I did tell a couple of friends. Despite the confession, it didn’t seem to get any better though. I guess it wasn’t much of a difference telling someone of the same age, so they didn’t take it seriously. I don’t blame them though.

“Suicidologist Adnan Omar believes the suicide trend among the young is getting more serious here and is fast catching up with Japan that has a rate of above 30 per 100,000 people.”

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/2/10/nation/8031924&sec=nation

Isn’t it ironic that the number of social networking sites among youth (and younger ones) is steadily escalating at the same time too? I guess, it is not wrong to relate the suicide trend with the booming of social networking sites. It is undeniable that these sites have its advantageous side, and vice versa. It is joyous to share photos and comments among our friends, and it is exciting to tell the world who we’re seeing and whatnot, but let’s try to put ourselves in someone who does not have as many friends as we do, or not as lucky as we are in that moment (Let’s face it, not everyone is sociable). Have you ever wonder what would they feel?

Somehow, a new kind of attention-deficit disorder has been created from this situation. It does not only apply to the latter kind of people, in fact everyone who’s on the sites has this. If it’s not the main reason why we’re on it, it’s one of them.

For the youngsters, the expectation to be included in their peers will always exist, despite their consciousness. When the desire isn’t fulfilled, ignored, or rejected, that’s when it’s deadly.

And for many, they never expressed their feelings to anyone for fear of being looked down or called by degrading names. Are they to blame for having these kinds of thoughts?

The act of seeking for professional counselling isn’t a common thing among us, but it should be. Why is it not? It could be because we are too caught up with excelling our studies, getting good jobs, meeting the right person, getting married, having kids, owning a gigantic house, earning buckets of money, that it’s a shameful thing to be depressed, to not get a string of As, to fail a relationship.

We’re not machines, we’re human beings with feelings. We’ll make mistakes at one point or another. Sometimes we don’t need a solution, we just need a listener to remove the excess steam. Many don’t realize, but depression is a disease, it should be treated and not bottled up to explode. The media should promote more of it and start breaking down the barriers. One side must start sharing, and the other must start caring.

This is what we, as members of a society should really tackle; our mindset.

I mean, more than half of us, especially urbanites, don’t even know who our neighbours; the closest strangers to us are. Aren’t strangers supposed to be friends that we’ve yet to meet?

It might be easier said than done, but here are some suggestions:

1. Make some time out of our busy routines to stroll out at the nearest park and get to know the ones in the neighbourhood.

2. "Your smile for your brother is charity." – Prophet Muhammad PBUH
Flash a smile to a stranger (but of course, don’t overdo it, just a short and simple one would do). A powerful smile could turn someone’s frown (or life) downside up. Some might think you’re crazy and ignore you totally, but hey, at least you did your part, and it’s free-of-charge.

The Prophet also said: "Give charity without delay, for it stands in the way of calamity." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 589

3. Randomly call or text a friend/relative whom you haven’t heard in a long time. A simple “Hey, how are you?” goes a long way, trust me.

4. Never take things for granted. If a friend/relative/someone you just met say something suicidal or sudden long of silence, do not ever leave them from your attention. Silence IS a voice that we need to listen.

If you happen to be the one who constantly feel sad and down in the dumps, well stop for a minute and start counting your blessings and not think about what you don’t have. Fill yourself in someone else’s shoes. There are people out there who do not even have a shelter to protect themselves from rain or shine, clothes to change, food to relieve their thirst and hunger, or no family to call home to.

Every cloud has a silver lining. When one door shuts, there are plenty more to open.

Being young is a guarantee that you have plentiful of time (InshaAllah with God’s willing) to explore the world, provided you have the right mindset, because attitude determines altitude.

Happiness is a choice

Oh, I'm 19 already.

2011-02-09T01:13:00.008+08:00

Soz about the delay. I turned 19 years young about 9 days ago. I didn't exactly had any celebration to spazz about.

Went out with Feqs during the day, and got 2 cakes at night. Abang Long bought one from the not-so-known cake shop, Kak Dian bought another one from Secret Recipe. Haha, they love me too much ey?

Overall, it was a banal day. (Don't think this is the correct word to use, but whatevs)

It didn't help much that I wasn't in any mood to acknowledge the day an additional year is added to my age, so Feqs ended up being more excited than I was. At least from my observation. Sorry baby.

Oh, and the next day I went out with my the girls to Wondermilk and Curve. It wasn't to celebrate my birthday, just another update-each-other session, I shall say. It was fun thought to talk with the old buddies, ones whom know me well, those whom I didn't need to put up a barrier from. The girls whom I can at least be someone I really am.

Even so..I wouldn't categorize that as something special to commemorate the last teen year of my life.

The reason was I kind of knew I wasn't getting any action on that day (as in something to top 2009 and 2010's celebrations my friends did for me), so I lowered down my expectation to like, basement level. In my mind, I was consoling myself that probably next year will be the bestest one, since I'll be off to Aussie probably few weeks after (InsyaAllah) 1st February. Probably someone out there care and plan some detailed plans to make me happier on my supposedly special day (without being hinted or anything equivalent).

But then again, I don't dare to put on such high hopes. It's a mental game I've been playing throughout my sensible years, sort of, in order to prevent being hurt by someone else, I'd rather hurt myself first. It's a way of defense, really.

On the other hand, I am selling ANDI (my Nikon D60). Boo :(

It's quite emotional for me really. I didn't really realize how sentimental the camera is to me till I got like 3-4 offers to buy it. I mean, I bought him with my hard-earned moolah. With my wage from my first ever job at the Secret Recipe Sunway when I was 15(!)

Wow. It has been 4 years since then. O.o I'm NINEteen now. Serioushittt.

Okay, I should say Alhamdulillah really. I'm still alive today. But I haven't changed anything to make the world a better place yet. Nope, not ready to surrender just yet.

Speaking of which, my batch were assigned to produce a documentary for EALD; English as an Additional Language/Dialect. The theme was social issues.

Without surprise I was chosen to become the director. (I ain't bragging, they chose me sebulat suara okay). Not that I'm complaining though, I like producing videos. It was once my ambition to become a film maker since we won KWN. It still is though, just buried not-too-deep somewhere behind being an architect.

So, I suggested a documentary on Lomography at first, but it was rejected. I wasn't aware about the theme then. Then, we went on with Power of Advertising. But it was too global to handle, so we changed.

In the end, I came up with the rights of people with disabilities in Malaysia. Alhamdulillah, it turned out to be the right topic. No one else thought of it, as far as I'm concerned (But one group decided to change their topic to something similar to us. Hmm) It's okay though. The result is what matters.

And..pejam celik, 4 more precious days left before college resumes.

Bye 2010,

2010-12-31T21:51:00.002+08:00

Man..I've lost my blogging mojo. The need to express myself on a web log regularly apparently has gone off the boil.

I guess, if I have to sum this year up into one word, it would be AMBITIOUS.

With an attitude to gratitude, I gotta say, Alhamdulillah.

Did I hear an 8?!

2010-12-17T00:24:00.004+08:00

Yeah, man! I achieved my own target! Band 8!
Average for some, but good enough for me! No need to re-take!

I seriously did consider re-sitting for it if I get lower than 8, eventhough it's more than JPA's requirement. I did mind-allocate RM570 for it. But now I won't have to! Yeay!

Alhamdulillah!

I can cross out one more thing from that list on the right-side of this page now.

:)

Aiyooo

2010-12-15T07:04:00.001+08:00

There are plethora things to blog about, but I'm just plain lazy. Gambar-gambar pun tak upload lagi. Video pun.

Aiyooo

Band 8 Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase!

2010-12-03T02:53:00.003+08:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I like the number 8, I want to get Band 8 for IELTS. Please oh please, Allah.

AMIN!!

My IELTS Speaking Test is scheduled less than 12 hours away. Gaaaahhh :O

My 2nd Video Production as The Director

2010-12-03T02:33:00.006+08:00

HOLD MY HANDS

This is an awesome idea! Tapi macam cedok Maher Zain sikit-sikit la.Lakonan mantap Muhammad dengan corak editing yang teliti membuatkan babak-babak di dalam video klip ini menarik. Mr.Al suka watak gaduh sbb berebut senduk! Halo? Mahal sgt ke senduk sampai nak gaduh? sgt relevant kan? *ops*
Shahida & Alisa pun di luar jangkaan. Lakonan yang brani Takde la org kata kita sekolah agama ni asik nak belakon pegang Quran je Shahida, kan..?ops* sambil jeling budak KISAS*
2 kali kalau tak silap si Aisya kena ragut beg dan nampak lakonan tu natural sgt! Kalau ada awards Pelakon harapan, Mr.Al akan bagi pada dia. Tahniah kpd Pengarah dan editor vid nih..!

Markah : 8

From Mr Al's blog. Our IS lecturer.

So, for Islamic Studies, all of us had to produce music videos as our group assessments. Above, I present my team's video. At first I came up with the original concept, but turned out Maher Zain had a music video which has more or less the same concept as my idea.

Director, Camera Person, Editor : Dian Mashita
Audio Manager : Aisyah Nadiah
Actresses (Team Members) : Alisa Ilya & Nurshahida
Many thanks to : Muhammad (especially), Kamil, Zu, and Hazirah!
Without all of you this would not be possible :')

ps: If you wonder what was my 1st production, click here
pss: If you wonder some more what I used to edit those videos, the answer is the magnificent Macbook. For the 1st video I used Final Cut Express (illegal download but still very useful), whereas the 2nd one I used a simple iMovie.
psss: Thanks so much Muhammad for letting us borrow your Macbook. Superb!

Al kisah Hari Raya Haji

2010-11-23T00:46:00.004+08:00

Last Eidul Adha, Kamil invited us to his house in Kajang to beraya. So, he drove to BU early in the morning and picked 8 of us; Aisyah, Hazirah, Zu, Izzat, Aiman, Muhammad, Husainin and yours truly; by this Serena van. Memang melebihi kapasiti, but it was quite a thrilling ride, I must say. & I learned a new term: Konar Leper (Corner Leper), it's a situation when the driver do a sudden turn without slowing down.

Anyway, we arrived at the Masjid Arrahman (Masjid tepi highway in Kajang) exactly during the last raka'at. Unfortunately, I didn't quite manage to join the congregation prayer. Then, we headed to Kamil's house and enjoyed the food his mother prepared for us. Sedap gilaaaa.

Izzat: Baru 4 round, belum cukup 7 lagi ni.

About an hour later, we went back to the mosque to see lembu kena korban. It was my first time and I wasn't quite sure what to expect at first, but it turned out to be not that massacre. It was fascinating, indeed. Witnessing thick blood gushing out from the cows' bodies was..informative? Since I learned Biology back in high school, I guess that's why.

After about 10 cows later, the girls and I stood at one place and coincidentally standing next to this lady who was sitting down on a red plastic chair. She was wearing a pair of shades and looked rich. She started to talk to us and got us all in a conversation. The last korban was her goat, named Jason. We talked some more and found out she's very active in wildlife reservation NGO and told us that she was diagnosed of having pancreatic cancer. That was when she inspired me.

Seeing I was holding my DSLR, Andi in my hands, she asked me to snap some shots of her and already-korbaned goat. She even offered me some meat of Jason :D

Oh, prior to that Syaq joined us from Bangi.

After we claimed our meats, we went back to Kamil's and then headed to Syaq's. What a humorous parents he has.

Ayah Syaq: Bising tak budak-budak laki ni?
Saya : Ha ahhh. Menyanyi malam-malam.
Ayah Syaq: Menyanyi? Mengaji tu kott

We laughed like what je. Sumpah lawak.

Ayah Syaq: Kalau yang bunyi mcm sedap tu, tarannum la tu. Salah tarik ke.

Yelah, pakcik. Hehe.

Right after Asar, the boys brought us to this shoplots cari barang-barang for Seniors Nite. Last minute thing. Haiya. We didn't manage to find the things we wanted, so I accompanied Muhammad, who was in charge for prizes and door gifts, to KL.

We wanted to buy sashes and crowns, but we bought teddy bears instead. It has been quite some time since I last went to KL, so the changes I were surprising. Anyways, it was nice spending some time with Muhammad who is not in my class. I mean, it's good to know one of my batchmates better than before.

On this day, I was out from 8AM till about 10.30PM. Penat.

The following day, I got sore throat, followed by flu and fever. The whole package.

Today, my room mates dah terjangkit with my flu.

Satu pandangan.

2010-10-29T23:49:00.002+08:00

"I look stupid when I speak in Malay"
Sharifah Aleya

Satu bukti evolusi di negara ini. Isu bahasa sememangnya satu isu bangsa, dan isu identiti negara ni.

Benda ni memang tak begitu ketara, tapi bagi sesiapa yang melihat dengan mata, mendengar dengan telinga, dan meneliti dengan hati, ni lah evolusi minda.

Boleh, memang boleh belajar bahasa Inggeris. Nak master English? Suka hati kau lah. Tapi apa yang buat aku runsing, dan mungkin juga gelisah, bila satu suara ni membisik-bisik ke telinga:

"Sedihnya, tak pandai cakap English"

Ya, aku ngaku. Ayat ni terdetik dalam hati bila terjumpa orang yang kurang fasih berbahasa Inggeris.
Bak kata orang putih, ini lah "unconscious thought" kot. Tapi aku rasa bersalah, kenapa aku terfikir macam tu? Kurang ajar betul kan? Tapi aku sedar.

Ini semua sebab imbuhan-imbuhan orang atasan. Pelik kan, kenapa pulak rasa kesian tak pandai cakap bahasa orang? Bahasa penjajah? Macam bod-h.

Kenapa kalau kau pandai cakap bahasa Inggeris, kau rasa semacam superior daripada orang lain?
Kenapa kau gelak ketawa bila cakap bahasa Melayu tunggang terbalik?
Kenapa kita tak pernah tengok pemimpin negara dengan bangganya berbahasa Melayu di negara orang?

Mungkin ni lah punca-punca ramai malas belajar Sejarah, jati diri cuma pasang bendera Hari Merdeka, rasa kena paksa nyanyi lagu Negaraku setiap hari Isnin.

Ni semua cuma luahan perasaan, aku tak ada jawapan bagi semua persoalan tu.
Sekian.

Yes,

2010-10-25T21:02:00.002+08:00

I have an attitude problem.
I am arrogant.
When I work, I habitually ignored others' opinion.
I know who I am.

I want..

2010-10-24T15:51:00.002+08:00

A quickie,

2010-10-20T00:54:00.003+08:00

So last week we participated in this 1Malaysia Musical Theatre organized by Matriculation Studies Department (but really, everything was 95% done by members 0f the Icon Club)

My group had a few crisis regarding the storyline, and few amendments had to be done which required us to change the whole story. Therefore, exactly 10 days before the D-day, I dedicated a sleepless night writing a whole new script for the team. Adding musical elements that were lacking from the previous script (which was also done by moi). Prior to that, Baaqiy came up with a story which most of us agreed, but had no proper drama element in it.

Anyways, regardless the stricken time, it was quite a give and take situation. Truthfully speaking, I didn't exactly put 120 per cent of dedication to it, more like 75 per cent. But of course, I still tried my best to give my utmost for this thing. Just not my very best.

More anyways, Mick did a great job and I appreciate his sacrifice of sleeping hours to get the audios done.

I really thought that we all did good during rehearsals, unfortunately..

Everything went terribly wrong during the real event. The audios did not sync with the actions, because we did not properly assign the right person. Lack of communication and management there.

By the end of our performance, that tiny spark of hope distinguished in a wink. First and second places are beyond our reach, the only available position is the last one, I thought. Great.

Enjoyed the rest of the performance with a bitter heart, then emotions took the best of me.

Thank god that didn't last long.

Lessons are learned.

That's the way I rock it,

2010-10-13T05:51:00.005+08:00

If it's art matter, I can skip sleep. If it's book, eek!
It's subuh and I haven't yet gone to sheep land. (No, there's no sheep when I sleep. Nonsense only)

What I've done since 2 something AM:

2010-10-02T18:08:00.001+08:00

I am no one's best friend because no one is my best friend.

The Hardest Question of All

2010-09-21T20:38:00.004+08:00

21.12.2012

Those were the numbers written on the white board by our lecturer (non-Muslim). Of course, for those who were updated with this world's agenda, "Doomsday" would come to mind.

Indeed, this was the case. This lecturer, whom I shall refer from now on as Miss E, astounded us by her beliefs. She asked us "Have you heard about the crop circles?", and again if you are aware of the mystical and whatnot, "Alien" would come to your mind.

Miss E confidently and worryingly said to us that she posit that Alien is God, and 2 years from now, everything will disappear.

Now, I'm sure some of you are laughing in disbelief. Yes, this is a true story. Inevitably, I believe, at one point in our lives, we will face this kind of doubter. A doubter whom in a way doubled as a test for us (the Muslims/non-Alien-as-God believer); to testify how deep is our understanding towards our own beliefs; how well can we proof to the others and make an assertion of what we believe as the truth.

And trust me, it's not an easy task for a self-claim-moderate Muslim like myself. Nevertheless, it's almost instinctive to preach but to broach is where the struggle is. As to this question asked by Miss E:

"What makes you believe God exists?"

If you are as moderate or a bit more than moderate as I am (with iman as shaky as a boat on a tidal wave), this is a question where I feel embarrassingly challenging to answer.

I went back and searched the net for answers, and of course since I am a Muslim, there's not a problem for me accepting all the answers. But when I put myself in a non-Muslim's shoes, I could imagine his/her confusion living in this world without hidayah (true guidance) from Allah, day by day. At this moment, I feel most grateful for being born as a Muslim, and I promise to keep on learning and keep on improving myself, insyaAllah, so that I could properly represent the name of Islam once I'm abroad.

Failure

2010-09-14T19:08:00.000+08:00

Newsflash: I didn't get to drop anything. Screw them.

2010-09-04T03:15:00.005+08:00

Heh. The screen shot turned out to be much smaller than expected.
Anyway, thank you very much to the person who replied to my questions. I owe you a lot, man.

It's currently 3.35AM and I'm wide awake, thinking; Thinking of what to say and how to stand up for myself when I'm seeing Ms Jenny regarding my between-life-and-death request.

Yeah, arguing/speaking isn't my best trait. Plus, meeting the fierce-looking Ms Jenny isn't making things any better. But, this is important. I got to be brave, confident; even more than I hardly am.

I'm not being choosy. I want this change to happen because I know what I'm capable of, and I believe this is the best way to achieve a better result within this critical 1.5 year. No time will be wasted on struggling to understand something, instead it will be used to improve and make practice on something I already understood.

ps: On this night, it was a sleepless one.

I miss,

2010-09-04T02:15:00.003+08:00

being around loud, loving and real funny people.
My life has been quite at its dullest at the moment.

Progress Test 1 isn't exactly the icing of my cake. Blame no one but yourself, honey.
Wake up!

ps: Ya Allah, please please make Ms Jenny approve of me changing from Chemistry to Accounting. Please please. Amin!

Accounting for having no chemistry with Chemistry

2010-09-02T14:59:00.003+08:00

"I have to start blogging again"

For the past few days, I've been chanting these words in my mind, hoping to have something worth to blog, but to no avail. Guess what? Now I do have something worth to blog about. Well, perhaps not, but at least for my own account.

Though I must warn you meticulous people, this entry might not be suitable for your perusal, as there might be a chance of grammatical errors and whatnot. (Whatever la kan.)

It has been solid 2 months since I first (half)moved in this student house. Thinking back of all the pessimist thoughts I had then, some of them thoughts turned out to be, well, merely stupid pessimist thoughts. Things have been going on quite well. I have, proudly to say, pretty adapted to this new life.

Unfortunately, my brain isn't.

Apparently I'm not doing quite so good academically.
Perhaps it has got something to do with swearing I won't ever want to do Science subjects in the future right after SPM ended.
Perhaps it is just my lazy-bum-self.
Or perhaps it's the sole fact that none of them are related to architecture?! (at least not directly)

Seeing new classmates in Chemistry class today (due to her changing subject from Computer Science), sparked a brilliant idea in my not-so-brilliant-yet brain!

I'm dropping Chemistry and taking Accounting instead! Yeay me! But this is not confirmed yet, as I've got to see the head for AUSMAT beforehand. But, yeay me!

Why am I doing this?

Well, firstly because I don't have any love for Chemistry.
Secondly, I've bought that RM80-worth Physics textbook.
Thirdly, accounting might help me in managing my financial matters in the future.
Fourthly, I had an A+ in Principles of Accounting in SPM, which is better than my A- in Chemistry. (SPM punya cerita might be lain from now punya cerita, but at least!)
Fifthly, there is no specific subject requirement in my (hopefully) future university's entry requirement! So why must I struggle in something I dislike, and invest my precious brain space and time for something I (hopefully) can do better instead!

Ya Allah, please please let Ms Jenny approve of my request!

ps: looks like some other classmates of mine are also following this 'cult'. >;)

Iftar 2010,

2010-08-22T21:35:00.005+08:00

"Everyone says 'MR AL', MR ALLLLLL"
Hence, the weird face.

Majlis Berbuka Puasa 2010

This was the first event organised by the ICON club 2010/2011 ever.
It was quite a success, none complained, but I foresee unhappy comments from our adviser in the upcoming post-mortem meeting.

All in all, what's done is done.

:)

August Already?!

2010-08-01T20:36:00.003+08:00

Oh my, July's done with. Time time time, they go by so fast.

What happened in July?

I transferred to KBU. Met new faces, made new friends. Adapted to new environment, new way of studying. I got to admit, I still sometimes wish I was still in UM, but what's done is done.

I will rise to the challenge, carpe diem.

Few days ago, I was voted to hold the Secretary post in Icon Club. It's nothing serious, yet I won't take it for granted, of course.

Studies are okay, I suppose. Nothing too heavy, well, not yet.

Watched Inception with my UM friends. It was an awesome movie. Hurt my brain for thinking too deeply during the movie. The storyline was beyond a normal person's thinking. Got to credit the author of the book for its awesomeness.

Another reason why the movie topped my list was because there were architects involved. They create and build the dreams by defying physics and the norms. It's like, every architect's dream to be able to do that.

What else?

We received a good news from Abang De and Kak Eazy; they're pregnant! :D
Yeay! New niece/nephew next year! More chubby cheeks to munch on.

Next week, I'll be tagging along my UM friends to Hijjas Kasturi's resident house (or something like that)

Till then!

Sometimes I wonder,

2010-07-18T23:39:00.001+08:00

Have I inspired anyone throughout my whole existence?

Fikiran,

2010-07-18T22:06:00.002+08:00

"Manusia boleh disamakan dengan 3 jenis tanah.

Yang pertama, tanah yang apabila disiram, ia akan menyerap air tersebut dan menyuburkan tanah untuk tumbuhan lain tumbuh subur di atasnya.

Yang kedua, tanah yang apabila dicurahkan air,

ianya tidak menyerap air tersebut, tetapi hanya menakungnya dan air takungan tersebut pula dapat diminum oleh makhluk lain.

Yang ketiga, tanah yang sangat gersang, apabila dicurahkan air,

langsung diserap habis namun tiada perubahan terhadap tanah tersebut dan tidak membawa faedah kepada makhluk lain"

2010-07-16T20:08:00.001+08:00

Who do I have now to look up to?

Plagiarized

2010-07-15T15:19:00.003+08:00

[Architecture] is too often treated as a fine art, delicately wrapped in mumbo-jumbo. In reality, it’s an all-embracing discipline taking in science, art, maths, engineering, climate, nature, politics, economics.

Ar Vincent Lee said that he had practised in Australia and comparing the Malaysian and
Australian architects, he was of the view that the average Malaysian architects were very
privileged and regarded with high esteem while the Australian architects were viewed in their
society as no more than the designer and did not make much income, unless the Australian
architect was a prolific one.

2010-07-14T03:35:00.003+08:00

"Majority of JPA scholars got a Band 7 in their IELTS"

You should work your ass off, and start to speak fluently (regardless of language), read more factual articles, expand your vocabulary, and pray hard so that you get beyond Band 7, missy.

ps: From time to time, I will be referring myself as a second person.

nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending

2010-07-14T00:42:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since I last wrote a proper (with correct grammar and better vocabs than this one) post here. I shall start doing so soon. Yes, soon.

A Restart,

2010-07-09T14:14:00.004+08:00

Celebration of Aisyah's and Zu's birthday
"Party ganja" :P

Renewing my resolution, slowly and steadily.
Australia in 20 months time.
"Aku harap korang semua bahagia dengan aku sepanjang 1.5 tahun akan datang"
-Zul
I hope so too.

Optimistic mode ON

:)

ps: Minta maaf kepada semua yang secara langsung atau tidak langsung melayan kerenah saya semasa tempoh peralihan suasana dan kehidupan sepanjang beberapa hari yang lepas. Terima kasih kepada semua yang banyak bersabar dengan kerenah saya. Sesungguhnya yang buruk itu daripada saya, dan segala nikmat dan kebaikan itu daripada Allah swt.

JPA Scholar, Australia-bound

2010-07-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

5th July is the date where my first ever class in KBU will commence.

For the next 6 months, I'll be undergoing a bridging programme, pre-AUSMAT.

In this programme, I'll be learning a lower level of AUSMAT's subjects which is equivalent to Year 11 in Australia. Emphasize will be taken for English classes as IELTS' prep.

As there are no arts subject or any architecture related subjects, I'll be going back to UM every weekend or so to learn draughtsmanship from my UM friends. (only after my license is done, that is) Atau minta Mama hantarkan.

I want to be ahead of time.

We'll only be doing AUSMAT in January 2011. Along with other private students of SPM'10 (or not)

In order to be ahead of time, I will buy Francis D.K Ching's "Form, Order & Space" as recommended by Prof Jaafar, and I will be watching videos from www.howtoarchitect.com.

Bye June, Hey July!

2010-06-30T23:03:00.004+08:00

"Looking at PP Huda's photo album when she was an ASASIAN saddens me. Eventho I only experienced only a month out of a year as an ASASIAN, I definitely felt lucky to even be a part of those awesome clad, to meet new friends, laughed till my stomach cramped and etc. May everyone become a succesful and useful person one day, InsyaAllah :) Thanks for the memories Airina Ahamed Afiq M. Nasir Arnida Ros Ezas Faris Danial Hakim Mohd Faez Mohd Faisal "

-what I intended to post on Facebook before I was told that I exceeded its character limit -.-'

Zomygote! :O It's already 1st July!!

Rasa macam baru semalam habiskan 1 week of orien'torture'tation :) Serioussly mang. Time jets by like zoooom!! That first day in UM was exactly 23 days ago (oh, tak sampai sebulan pun sebenarnya) and today at 9am will be the start of a new journey in Kolej Bandar Utama.

First week in UM, I was with my Sri Amanian friends; Salwa, Arinah, Anis, and Chaee the whole time. By the second week, lectures started and new friends were made. Dinner every night with the girls was fun, it felt a lot like in Sri Aman. Only with addition of Acap.

Then, some time in 2nd week, we were assigned to create a presentation on medium/paper by Ms Anum in Graphics Communication class. And some time later that week, quite a number of ABians kumpul di Gazebo and did our discussions there, but we ended up laughing, talking, story-telling about hantu lah, tengok website kakingeri lah, tawaf around tasik; tengok-tengok the next thing we knew we bonded until 4AM.

From that day onwards, those who were there that night spent almost every time with each other. New circle of friends can be seen :)

Then about a week later, (or was it just few days after) keluarlah poster JKP Asasi 2010/2011. After I asked PP Cha few questions about JKP stuffs on that Sel 1 gathering night, sumpah dah pasang niat dah nak join JKP. I even thought about all the possibilities of it.

But then JPA scholarship appeal results were out. Surprisingly I got it. I wasn't expecting it, but I got it. All those daydreams remain as daydreams. I was reminded of my original dream, and I'm finally going to make it a reality! Thus, a slight of doubt lingered in my head, immediately upon knowing the news. I'm in love with UM already, how can I ever leave this place? Though after considering the pros and cons, I decided to take the risk. A risk not many were able to get.

Good times in UM will definitely be in my mind forever.

It saddens me to know that I might not get to know more about them new friends, to share their life experiences and share more laughter with them. Though I only managed to see the surface; and a few inches deeper with some of them; I know they are all nice and creative people who have the same passion as I do, and will be some incredible household names one day.

Thank you time.

To my Sri Amanian friends, dah kurang satu budak Sri Aman situ, kurang satu punca bunyi bising. Dekat KBU macam dah takde connection dengan Sri Aman. Sedih gila :(
To Ecah, Auni and Maisarah, thank you for the sweet farewell card :') Sangat bermakna.
To Airina, Nida, Chaee, Afiq, Ezas, Faez, Hakim, Izhar, Izzati, thanks for the company, thanks for making my stomach ache, thank you belanja minum dan makan, thanks for inspiring me, and lastly thank you for being you.

..and not forgetting Ms Anum for being a cool, cute and funny lecturer. And to Prof Jaafar for sharing informative architecture information.
Haaa, sedih siot nanti dah takde kelas Graphics Communication and Draughtsmanship!
Important classes to sharpen my creative skills!! :(

I hope korang ajak I pergi class trip this upcoming 1st August. (please, please, please!)
Haha, tak malu, but I don't care :D I'll be waaaiitiiinggg~

Invite me to art gallery trips as well (I know Ms Anum will ask you guys to go one day)

on the side note, I miss Feqs terribly. ;(

Alhamdulillah,

2010-06-12T22:22:00.003+08:00

KEPUTUSAN RAYUAN PERMOHONAN BIASISWA PROGRAM IJAZAH LUAR NEGARA (PILN) 2010
JABATAN PERKHIDMATAN AWAM

Nama Penuh : DIAN MASHITA BINTI EDDY SURYONO
Kursus : SENIBINA (ARCHITECTURE)
Negara : AUSTRALIA
Kursus Persediaan : AUSTRALIAN MATRICULATION (AUSMAT) (1.5 TAHUN)
Tarikh Pendaftaran : 1 Julai 2010 (KHAMIS)
Masa Pendaftaran : 9.00 PAGI
Tempat Pendaftaran : KOLEJ BANDAR UTAMA

Keputusan : TERIMA TAWARAN BIASISWA
Tarikh Kemaskini: Jumaat , 11 Jun 2010
Masa Kemaskini : 06:56:36 PM
Bil. Kemaskini : 1 kali (Anda mempunyai 5 peluang lagi untuk mengubah keputusan)

"Ar. Dian Mashita Eddy Suryono"

Pertama (versi Gadis)

2010-06-06T23:11:00.004+08:00

"Kenal Saiful Sufri tak?"
Soalan pertama Gadis kepada Teruna.

Sebelum pertanyaan, Gadis telah beberapa kali terlihat kelibat Teruna di kawasan itu. Paling aneh sekali, hati Gadis seolah-olah digegarkan dengan goncangan yang halimunan waktu matanya pertama kali menajamkan visinya ke arah Teruna. "Wow." Terberhenti waktu seketika.

Memang saat paling aneh pernah dirasai Gadis. Tidak pernah lagi rasa itu singgah di laman hati Gadis.

Ketika remaja-remaja lain sibuk silih berganti bertukar alamat dan sebagainya, Gadis tidak pula berkeinginan berbuat demikian. Kerana Gadis tahu, rasionalnya dia tidak mungkin lagi akan bertemu dengan Teruna.

Namun, harapan masih belum lari meninggalkan hati Gadis.

Khabar berita dari hari-hari Gadis bertemu Teruna segera disampaikan kepada kawan baiknya. Sebegitu teruja Gadis pada pandangan kawannya.

Beberapa hari kemudian, seolah-olah harapan mengirimkan sepucuk surat jemputan ke dunia baru kepada Gadis. Di alam maya, Gadis bertemu sekali lagi dengan Teruna. Memang tidak dijangka! Alangkah riangnya hati Gadis pada pagi hari itu dan hari-hari seterusnya.

Tetapi hidup tidak semudah itu. Hatinya ibarat kain dicarik-carik apabila Gadis ketahui akan keadaan Teruna. Gadis tidaklah menaruh segunung impian terhadap apa yang akan terjadi seterusnya. Biarlah takdir yang menentukan. Walaupun jauh, namun kehadirannya tetap dapat dirasai Gadis.

Bagi Gadis, cukuplah sekadar Teruna telah hadir dalam hidupnya.
Bagi hati Gadis pula, sememangnya tidak pernah cukup.

Hari berganti hari, minggu berganti minggu. Perasaan Gadis terhadap Teruna semakin mendalam. Sedalam itulah juga luka Gadis yang terpendam tentang keadaan Teruna.

Harapan masih mendiami hati Gadis.

Cinta juga turut singgah dan tidak menunjukkan tanda-tanda untuk berganjak pergi.

Bagai membalas kesabaran dan keikhlasan Gadis, takdir kemudiannya memberi sebutir peluang untuk disemai dalam tanah baru yang dikosongkan.

Gadis dan Teruna seolah-olah memulakan persahabatan yang baru kali ini. Tanpa halangan, Gadis punya sedikit keyakinan bahawa Teruna turut merasakan apa yang Gadis rasa selama ini.
Pada satu hari, Teruna meluahkan apa yang terbuku di dalam hatinya. Walaupun Gadis tidak menjangkakan waktu itu berlaku seperti itu, Gadis tetap bahagia dengan kata-kata yang diucapkan Teruna.

Demikianlah permulaan kisah cinta ini.

Us and the Cats,

2010-06-03T21:53:00.002+08:00

Di UM, ada banyak kucing.
Sebab sekarang ni macam nothing to be read or revised just yet, so we spent our precious time naming the cats in our campus.

Ada Lesu, Bengis, Remaja dan Impo.

Semua ada alkisahnya tersendiri.

Sekian.

Minggu Haluansiswa Pusat Asasi Sains UM 2010/2011

2010-05-29T17:04:00.007+08:00

Currently back at home for the weekend from struggles and hardships.

So, the first day was the registration day at Kolej Ke-12. The place was hella packed of people and cars. Haiyoyo. During dorm registration, adalah buat kenalan with this girl from Taman Melawati, named Bella. Ingat mula-mula dah konon agreed to be roommates, sekali tak boleh daaa. Haiyoyo again. But Anis is 2 rooms away from me, Cha'ee pun sama floor. So takpelah kot. Nasib baiklah ada those friends whom I'm close with macam Anis, Salwa, Cha'ee, Arinah. So yeah most of the time in MHS we were together.

Our batch is said to be the largest group ever with a total of 1367 students. This year according to Ayahanda(the Pengetua for our college), the number of boys and girls are quite balanced not like previous years.

There was a lot of walking done. Pergi Dewan Tunku Chanselor (DTC), pergi that PASUM building where most of our classes will be conducted at.

We freshies/asasians were guided by this group of people called Pembantu Pelajar (PP). These people kiranya macam pengawas sekolah la jugak. All of them are members of the college committee.

Then, ada this one day we were explained about our subjects by the respective lecturers. There are Physics&Chem, Maths, Environmental Studies, Economics, Arts, Graphics class, Architecural Drafting, and English MUET. We Alam Bina people or as they call it AB-ians have more subjects than those Sains Hayat and Sains Fizikal people but we may not seem to be doing a lot of reading, but we sure will do a lot of drawing. Fuuhh

One thing that sets us apart from the science people is we are ensure a place in the faculty of UM but just not sure in which course yet, this is to be decided after our 1st Sem. So yeah, if I do well in PASUM, most probably I'd still be in UM.

But right at this moment I'm still praying for rayuan PILN tu. So yeah..

Anyway, pasal MHS, best ah jugak bila belajar those cheerings which they call subs. The PPs are friendly and funny. But those in Biro Disiplin were monsters. Garang!

Anyhoo. Macam macam orang ada dalam PASUM ni. Saw a lot of familiar faces there. Amar from my previous Add Maths tuition, this guy from my accounts tuition (which I never spoke to even though I sit behind him everytime. He noticed me first, so we intro ourselves. His name is Danial). Then ada those acquaintance of mine such as Dewi, and Malisa.

I didn't feel homesick at all there. Yelah, it's like 20 minutes away from home je pun. And everywhere I turn I see Menara Telekom, so yeah.. Everything's familiar.

There are only about 120 people in Alam Bina, so they said at the end of the course, everyone will know everyone. Have to start building my networking from day one.

My roommate is from Nogori. She looks a lot like one of my former classmate. She has the same personality as well, quite timid and quiet. So, I didn't take her as a complete stranger. As I'm not a bubbly kind of person, we don't exactly have much to talk about. It'll change with time, I hope.

One thing lagi, everytime after a semangat tepuk or whatever, I'd end up screaming "Woooohooo!" and equivalent. Haha! It's just something I couldn't shake off as a Sri Amanian. Bila budak-budak Sri Aman together, lagi lah bising :D Other girls were just clapping..which was boring..and dull. Yeah. Can't really live like that.

We slept after 2 every day during MHS, makan ayam pun hari-hari. After the 2nd day, we were let go after 12 because someone's bapak complained to the PPs. -___-" Manja nak mampuh. But the next day, macam after 1 camtu, last day sekali tak tidur langsung. We thought we were going to end up in the tasik, as it was so-called the tradition for the freshies, but in the end tak pong. Ended up main this game ada checkpoint and kena denda with either tepung, cat, tepung+kicap+other yucky stuffs. And at the end of the day, PP yang paling garang yang jadi paling popular. Haha!

Oh, and before everything ended, ada Malam Persembahan since ada YB bagi talk. About 200+ Asasians were selected to do persembahan. The show was awesome lah wey for a 5-day practice.
The sketsa was funny, then when in Babak 2, all of us were in the sketsa too as we have to do the sub Jongjong Inai together. Bergegar dewan wa cakap luu. :D Clap clap clap!

Hmm, apa lagi eh..

I think Graphics Communication class and Arts are the subjects I can't wait to do. I have to brush up on my imaginaaaation :)

Tu je lah kot for now.

Bye

2010-05-22T23:45:00.001+08:00

Pergi Universiti Malaya. Nak sambung belajar.

Tomorrow is the start of my new chapter.

2010-05-20T21:34:00.003+08:00

I don't exactly have any good nor bad feelings about tomorrow..

Either way, it should be okay.

Tapi tipulah kalau cakap tak mengharap. Allah knows what is best for me, thus at this moment, I'm only able to tawakal (and do some more solat hajat later tonight[!])

JPA Scholarship, I want, please!

Kemungkinan juga akan mengalami demam esok hari, sekian.

I'm a GLEEK!

2010-05-09T18:25:00.009+08:00

For the past week, I've been feeling excited about Glee Flash Mob Dance Kuala Lumpur (organised by RandomAlphabets). Since Monday, I've been shaking and movin' to the beat of Glee's numbers!
And yesterday was the D-day!

At first I totally thought I'd be going there alone, feelin' a bit blue about it; but Merissa saved my soul! Met up at Merissa's place, and practised for a bit. Then, Feqs came with his whitey fixie.
Merissa drove us all to The Gardens. Went straight to the meeting place for one last final rehearsal. Met Hazim, Hani and Danial Mann there.

Then we were asked to gather again at another place with our assigned group and wait for the cue to perform! Failed to capture a proper video of us dancing, as we accidentally and unfortunately dislocated ourselves from the other Gleek-ers. That wasn't the real reason, but let's just remember it as that. Though I have to say, it was really fun! I guess being among the mass of random people who were just as excited as I was for the same reason made it sweeter :D

Even after that 2 minutes of dancing, we were all still feeling excited about it and not ready to stop just yet! Suddenly, the speakers were blasting the same song again, then those who were upstairs rushed to the ground floor as quickly as possible to join the rest of the Gleek-ers (including yours truly).
The 2nd unplanned encore flash mob was more exciting than the 1st planned one.

*credits to Joshuaongys.com

"We're watching Glee first on Starworld!"

..and now we wait until my admission to Universiti Malaya (or somewhere else).
14 more days till the end of this chapter!

ps: Thank you Merissa for accompanying me even though you were unwell that day!

Happy Birthday,

2010-04-28T00:08:00.004+08:00

Muhammad Afiq bin Ghazali

My bestest boyfriend ♥

May Allah bless you!

2010-04-24T21:55:00.004+08:00

Reading blogs of my peers often strikes a thought in my head.
Entries on how well they did; in fact, how great they did in SPM, and the numerous scholarship interviews that came after.

I know I seem ungrateful of my own slightly above average achievement, but I just couldn't stop myself from thinking, "I could do so much better than what I did before. I know I'm capable of it"

:/

Ya Allah, I'm sorry for being unappreciative for what You have given me. I'm just a normal human being who's never seem to satisfy of what she has. But there is a silver lining in every cloud. I believe this is what I get for the countless of sins I have committed, which I am, unfortunately aware or not aware of. But I take this as Your blessing in disguise, as a stepping stone for me to outdo myself and others who have achieved. I can only plan, but Allah decides what I will become as He has his own plan for me. I hope I have enough strength, physically, mentally and spiritually, to surpass the given obstacles in order to serve my country, nation, and religion.

InsyaAllah.

Heheh

2010-04-21T11:29:00.001+08:00

Teacher: What is A + B?
Student: It’s me Abby!
Teacher: No, it actually C. Ok, Abby what’s B+Z?
Student: BUSY!
Teacher: ?!?!?
(She is not being rude; bee+zee=busy)

Teacher: Why are you late today?

Sam: I was rushing but then I saw a signboard in front of school!
Teacher: Good, you are aware of the rules of the road. But what does the sign say?
Sam: Slow down! School ahead.

Discipline teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Student: No teacher, you got the wrong boy, I’m Abdul Malik!

Teacher: Ali, tell me a sentence that starts with I .
Ali: I is..............
Teacher: “I” will only followed by “am”.
Ali: I am the ninth letter in the alphabet.

Teacher: Students, dengue is on arise! What prevention measures can be taken to prevent diseases that are caused by biting insects?
Student: Just don’t bite any!

One day at the zoo.
Mum: Son, that is the 12-foot snake!

Son: Mummy, I think you should go to kindergarten with me.
Mum: Why?
Son: Snakes have no feet.

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Sarah: “HIJKLMNO”!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Sarah: Yesterday, you said it’s H to O!

Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Student: “Yes sir. If he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”

Silvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Silvia: Your name on this report card.

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what’s so great about that?
It’s snowing outside!

Student A: My teacher caned me for something I didn’t do.
Student B: That’s bad.
Student A: Well, I didn’t do my homework.

Hello Door!

2010-04-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

Ahh, I currently have butterflies zooming around in my stomach.
That minute I checked my email, baca the headline of the newest email:
"Penilaian dan Temuduga Biasiswa Pra Universiti 2010 Bank Negara Malaysia‏"

I was practically shivering macam tengah duduk dalam tub full of ice. I kid not.

I mean, right at that instant, my mind was like, fast-backwarding to that moment of JPA interview 2 weeks ago. Mannnggg!

So, supposedly I am more prepared now since I've been to an interview, right? Wrong!

This is different! Because I applied for a totally different thing than architecture. So, I've to, prepare myself thoroughly all over again.

And once again, I'll be in a room full of A-plus-achievers. Brrrr, the chills, the terror.

Thankfully, I took back this small pamphlet regarding how-to-secure-scholarships from doctorjob, which was sponsored by Bank Negara Malaysia(!), I mean the book. So, there are interviews of BNM scholars inside that book. Gaah, the hopes, the anticipations!

But, I'd like to make it clear, that my mission in life is simple:
To see Malaysia succeed, be apart of it, and inspire others.

Yes, I'm patriotic like that.

Peace, peace (^^,)v

So..it wouldn't really matter which career I'll venture into, but to save myself from further headaches, I've ruled out law, any science-related, and any-religion matter. I just know I won't do well in those areas.

Haaa, this has been an aberration, I'm afraid.

Right, set aside all inconsequent matters, in a nutshell, I'm nervous.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

2010-04-15T20:15:00.002+08:00

Ar. Dian Mashita Eddy Suryono

Interesting.. :D

Amin!!

This sucks.

2010-04-09T03:57:00.001+08:00

It's 3 in the morning.

I can't sleep.
I couldn't help but to think about the interview last Wednesday.
My mind kept repeating that scene over and over again, like plays with the same title, rewinding endlessly with different scripts.

It was expected, but unexpected at the same time.
There were loads to say, but words, they just didn't flow out.
I sounded like a song on a broken radio. No, make that a news flash; because it was as boring as that.

What about being innovative, dedicated, goal-oriented, creative, passionate?
Why didn't I let them know?
Why did I tell everything in the other session, but not to the one I wanted the most?

Maybe, just maybe, if I blog more often, my brain wouldn't be as rusty as it is now.
Maybe, just maybe, if I spend some more time jotting down in my journal, the bulb of idea would light up brightly on that morning.
Maybe, just maybe, if more prayers for me were sent to Him, everything would go smoothly.
Maybe, just maybe, I should stop whining.

I guess there's a good reason Allah didn't let me excel that test.
I guess I should stay close to home because I have a greater mission to be completed.
My life isn't made for me to live for my own sake.
The mission is to be completed before time runs out.
Time isn't going to wait for me.
It feels like a marathon, and I'm way left behind.

Why dream if we're supposed to live in reality?

All I'm able to do now is believe.

Sorry for dragging your emotions down with me, readers.

Here or there, I will not despair

2010-04-08T19:57:00.004+08:00

Dear blog, today I declined 2 offers at once (The Star Education Fund and Utusan) for a diploma course in Kolej IACT. One was with a 3-years bond, one was without.

As I was about to press the call button, it changed to "Answer".

I felt surprisingly okay when I said "I'm sorry, but thank you for your time".

And the lady was very nice indeed to say "It's okay I understand. You're a brilliant girl, I'm sure you'll do well in anything you do in the future, sayang". That made me feel better than okay :')

If I were to enroll there, I would or might stand out from the rest. 'Might' is the keyword here.
But anyways, I turned them down.
This may be the end of my beginning, or the start of my first curtain call.
Nothing seems secured yet, as of for now.

If I were to reach out, might as well reach for the moon, and the moon is where I'm aiming my squint at.
For a little squint will open up like a giant beautiful kaleidoscope.

I'm putting all hopes inside this one rocket I'm sending to the moon. If all else fails, I hope they will be sprinkled onto all the stars nearby.

Mind you, I've always been into arts.
It's just a matter of medium.

The Past is a History, The Future is a Mystery

2010-03-31T23:06:00.005+08:00

If I did it then, I can do it again.

ps: Okay, probably not the first one. But it was somewhat on the right track :)
Alhamdulillah for the past, InsyaAllah for the future

In 10 years time,

2010-03-16T16:52:00.003+08:00

"I'm working in Leo Burnett, as an Art Director, leading a creative team on the latest campaign project worth millions of dollars."

I can dream, can't I?

Tahniah,

2010-03-06T22:33:00.005+08:00

Encik Anuar Hanis bin Eddy Suryono
&
Puan Sharan Izian binti Mohd Rom
yang selamat diijabkabulkan pada tanggal 5 Mac 2010, Alhamdulillah.

Semoga bahagia ke anak cucu cicit dan seterusnya, InsyaAllah

♥♥♥

March is here Mofos!

2010-03-03T10:32:00.008+08:00

How time flies! I haven't been blogging properly for quite some time due to my inability to have a flow in writing anything worth reading, or as I call it, I've lost my blogging mojo. I know some of you might say, "So what? Just write! It's YOUR blog, your space", but no I feel guilty for those few; almost zilch number of people who accidentally clicked on my link in hope to acquire something interesting to feed their souls, instead, they had found this writing space filled with numb words and poor language where they failed to fill their desire of being entertained. Pity them souls. ;(

Hah! Who am I kidding? I just need an attention-grabbing opening paragraph up there.

In the past few months, no life-changing incidents has yet to take place but life itself has been a wonderful thing, I'm grateful by just living and breathing for another minute. I'm grateful to have a family I can go home to, friends I can laugh with, and a love I shall never let go of.

Alhamdulillah.

Okay, so now I will get on with those tidbits which aren't written down yet, so that for the next 2 years, I have something to laugh about when I scroll down my archives.
Last January, I had my experience of working as a temporary full-timer in Marks & Spencer, Sunway Pyramid. Work was okay, I guess. It wasn't as terrible as the work I had last time. All I had to do was put back the clothes that had been tried on, arranged biscuits on the shelves, and other things that didn't involve any sweat-drippings, thank god. The most interesting part of all was meeting new people and expanding my social network. Paycheck wasn't as much as I expected, but I'll be getting another paycheck for the extra hours I did, so no complain there.

I lasted only for a month because my boss didn't want to re-new my contract for my 'misbehavior'. It was nothing really, okay maybe it's something serious but whatever? :P Haha! Macam ni, ada this particular day, about 5 days before the end of January, Omar was having a kenduri on that night due to his departure to Australia the next week. But on that day, I had an afternoon-shift, meaning my work starts at 1PM until 10PM. I know I had to go to that kenduri, since everyone will be there, so I punched out for break at 5PM and never came back for work that day. What a thing to do kan? I didn't regret it though, I had fun at Omar's that night with them friends. The funny thing was, just that morning my boss offered to continue my temporary contract for another month, but obviously the next day she changed her mind.

February came, and I turned 18! I definitely had a great time on my birthday, and I felt so loved ♥ The rest of the month was above average. I went out with Feqs almost every week, spending some quality time together before both of us get too busy with life. Helped Yasmin with Rumah Biru's senamrobik too, which made me miss school life.

Despite passing my Undang test last December(!), I only managed to complete 1 hour of driving to date -.-. Orang lain dah pass JPJ test and I'd still be driving on the track, going round and round the track for another 9 hours.

March marks the beginning of the end of our leisure days! Results is rumored to be out in a couple of weeks time and everyone will be putting back their game mask on, competing to get the best tertiary education, fighting for their future! Ahoyya!! >:)

Speaking of future, my second brother will be getting a new life of marriage-hood. In a few years time, there will be new babies in the family! More chubby cheeks to munch on! Ngap! Hehe :)

Kalau tak gelak macam orang gila baca ni, korang sah gila.

2010-02-23T21:22:00.002+08:00

omagod.

2010-02-05T11:24:00.002+08:00

I had a dream of me getting some exam result, it wasn't SPM though.
In my dream, I took 20 subjects(?), and the grades were A, m, and O.
-.-"

I got 6A's, 10m's and 4 O's.
Heh.

On the first day of February, my true love sent to me

2010-02-02T01:15:00.022+08:00

When I was 17,

and now I am 18,
O.o

@RedBox, The Curve

Dian, Sa'idah, Anis, Myra

Jonas Brothers :P Bob, Khalif, Xim

& then Merissa came and devoted her 1 hour break for me ♥

then, some time later, the Chinese RedBox guy knocked on the door and came in,
WITH A CAKE!
I wasn't expecting the cake at all, since Sa'idah said the day before that she couldn't make any, and I was devastated :'(, but then she was lying and she did make the cake after all! ♥

then I had my eyes all teary, and thought I could keep 'em tears from falling down, but boohoo I failed to do so.
But they were tears of joy :)

then, I called Feqs to come there,

..and so it was a perfect day ♥
I got what I wished for: a day with my loved ones, a day that can be remembered forever,

& this watch ♥♥

Terima kasih semua orang ♥♥
May Allah bless everyone that made me happy on this date

Things can be thrown away, but moments you guys gave are here to stay

Happy Birthday,

2010-02-01T00:33:00.002+08:00

to Myself :)

Why,

2010-01-03T02:17:00.002+08:00

Hello, 2010

Be good to me please ♥

ps: && hello to those who've been trying (& failing) to access my blog all this while.
thank you for your support

(ceh, like I'm some kind of rockstar la kan nak guna ayat macam tu, piiirahhh :P)

2009-11-22T21:46:00.001+08:00

Sympathies are like teardrops falling, creating a sea which drown the draught and its people.
Be a boatmaker.

Technically,

2009-11-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

It's
12 days until Sejarah & Bahasa Melayu
13 days until English
17 days until Mathematics
18 days until Pendidikan Islam
19 days until Additional Mathematics
27 days until Biology
28 days until Prinsip Perakaunan
29 days until Pendidikan Seni Visual
30 days until Physics
35 days until Chemistry

It isn't so bad now, is it?